Saying no.

How many times in a day do you say yes? How often do you say no?

 

Think about it – as a woman, mother, wife, leader.

 

Think about WHAT we say yes to and no to.

Are there patterns, a rhythm to it, dare I say habit?

Are we making these decisions based on what’s right for us, the other person or the greater good?

What do we want the outcome to be?

 

Enough questions – you get the point: awareness on what we invite and reject.

Invitations can* bring abundance, plenty and fulfilment.

Rejection can** bring a sense of fear, missed opportunity and scarcity.

 

*I say CAN, when this is intentional and conscious, it can be the opposite when it’s not.

**I say CAN here – let me explain when it’s the opposite.

 

If we say no, what are we really letting go of? Missed income? Upsetting someone? Fear of not being liked?

I have lost count of the number of times, in my early days, I didn’t say no to work for these very reasons.

And these reasons have no place when it comes to building value in your business and your own personal happiness.

 

Think back to those clients that made your heart sink with every text, email or phone call. The ‘that’ll do’ mentality when it came to creative ideas and processes. The loaded statement ‘I just need’, that completely undervalues the work involved.

 

That’s what we have been saying yes to for too long until we realise one, hugely empowering, thought: We have the power to say NO.

 

Say no to misaligned values, misfit personality, uninspired vision, creative restraints, undervalued inputs, being ill-treated, disrespected, bad clients.

 

When we are clearer about what we don’t want (usually through pained experiences), we can focus on what we DO want and what WORKS FOR US. And this means saying no to what may have served us in the past.

The biggest fear that arises when we start saying no, is loss of appeal and therefore income. I’m here, living proof (as are many of my clients), that that is BS. It works.

 

There are 3 questions to ask:

By totally understanding that sweet spot of where these meet and leaning into this, we naturally sieve out huge portions of the market. Yikes!

What’s left is a far more confident understanding of self that helps potential clients see themselves in you, be drawn to that, know you are THE solution for them. You turn from ‘meh’ to ‘wow’, from ‘maybe’ to ‘yes’, from uncertainty to a need.

I’ve seen it happen time and time again.

By deeply connecting and resonating with YOUR people, your portion of the market will be knocking on your door and (importantly), telling their peers all about you.

What naturally happens is you stop worrying about not appealing to the wrong people, you stop worrying about money because the conversation switches to one of value instead, you do more of what you love and are good at with the people that need it and value you.

Goosebumps. The Dream. Not out of reach.

 

And we can take it further –

I recently heard a talk by Rory Sutherland where he spoke about ‘goal dilution’ – that trying to do more than one thing dilutes the perception of competence of each thing. Think Google search engine that does one thing compared to the first aggregator websites that tried to be all the things. Rubbish.

David Hieatt of The Do Lectures and books, Huit Denim etc says to “do one thing, really well”.

On a recent podcast with Gill Moakes, I even said:

“To cut things out of your offering or to be intentional and very focused, can be scary for people because you think you’re going to say no to business, but it does the opposite.”

Rather than offering a shopping list of services, myriad of offerings and overly complicated product descriptions, concentrate on offering the most streamlined value for your client. What do they really need and want from you and how can you position that solution in the most succinct way?

 

Master this and you’re on your way to an entirely new and empowering way of working.

It’s time to step into the power of saying no to what doesn’t serve you, saying no to the expectation that will result in a negative, saying no to obligation based on what’s been before.

 

What will you say no to today?

Lauren